Random Quotes....(from "Reba"!)

i have a TON of quotes from "Reba". There are SO many funny ones. =D

BUT...its seriously a long list. haha :


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Barbara Jean: "Reba, I hope you don't mind but I was just looking for a passage in my Bible that might help Van, and um I think I found it. Van if you look here at Matthew 12:3, Jesus says unto his disciples, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BOY!! Do you want to spend eternity in a fiery damnation, streets of gold or lakes of fire, your choice Van!"
Reba: Barbra Jean stop it, you're not gonna get anyone to believe by hitting them with a Bible.
Barbara Jean: "Oh, that's how my Daddy did it!"
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Cheyenne: Im telling you mom, we heard it.
Van: Yeah it was like: " hee hee hee thonk...hee hee hee thonk..."
Reba: [gasps] Oh my gosh...there's a monkey with a peg leg in the kitchen!
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Reba: Did you just say you're quittin' school?
Van: Yeah
Reba: Go grab me a stick.
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van: "people like a sense of humor. so when you say ,'i'd like to make a toast'.. hold up a piece of bread!"**
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Barbra Jean: "fine. then if we're having thanksgiving at Reba's i get to cook the turkey."
Reba: "oh no! i get to cook the turkey! If Thanksgiving where a concert the turkey would be Cher."
Barbra Jean: "oh so now we get to have it at your house AAAAND you get Cher?!?"
Reba: "that's right...i've got turkey babe!"
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Reba: "If you didnt treat that animal like it could walk on water...!"
Barbra Jean: "Walk on water...Reba...what is 'dog' spelled backwards?.. "
[2mintues later while these lines are wayyy past and everyones talking about something else...]
Van: "GOD!...its spells God!!!"
later he says..."Oh my dog!"
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Barbra Jean: "Dont be a hater Rebizzle."
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Reba: "Well I may lose my temper but at least I didn't lose a child!"
Barbra Jean: "Oh, how dare you accuse me of doing something I told you I did!"
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Barbra Jean: " Of course!..a blankie is like scotch to a child!!"
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Reba: What's that?
Kyra: It's a guitar.
Reba: I realize its a guitar, kyra...they did teach us a little something in moron school...
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Barbra Jean: Sweet Van...i compliment him on his coat, and he just gives me the one off his back!
Reba: i hope no one compliments him on his pants...
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[yelling]
Brock: Maybe thats why they call you controlling!!
Reba: oh!..well it wouldve been nice if you wouldve controlled whats in your pants!!!!
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Reba: God never closes one door without opening another one...
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[reba, brock &barbra jean are spying on kyra who is at an unsupervised party with boys. Barbra Jean runs out of the car in night vision goggles and climbs up a tree to spy. kyra sees her and barbra jeans sprints for the car in back seat]
Barbra Jean: "hit the gas! ive been spotted!
Reba & Brock: "What?"
Kyra: "What are you guys doing here?!"
[Reba's surprised and screams]
Barbra Jean: "I think a better question is..What are your mom and dad doing here?!?!"
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[Reba hits a pole with Van's beloved car...he's seriously in love with it...he's sad (angry at Reba) and writes a poem:
"Rhonda, Rhonda...
A car i was so fond-a
i wish i could fix you...with a magic wand-a.."
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Barbra Jean: "Maybe next time I'll marry someone whose ex-wife appreciates me! "
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Van : [Reba comes and wakes him up for work.. he's drooled all over the sheets]
"Awwww! I was dreaming about waffles!"
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[van has his head in a cereal box]
Cheyenne: "Honey, what are you doing? "
Van Montgomery: "I'm trying to get the prize, and if I do it with my hands it's unsanitary. "
Cheyenne: "Does the prize include cavities and a gut?... "
Van Montgomery: "Oh! Haha! You're funny, sweetheart. That's why I married you - your sense of humor. Oh wait, no. It was the baby. "
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[Reba's trying to figure out who maxed her credit card]
Reba: "Who would spend 4000 dollars on a diamond princess tiara, foxy lady linguire, and go on a 175 dollar shopping spree and Joy for Jesus Bookstore?.. "
Reba & Kyra: "...Barbra Jean! "
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[Reba brings home a boy who has a fro that covers his entire head and face..and he doesnt talk much]
Kyra: "Isn't he cute?"
Reba: "I don't know whats your guess?"
Kyra: "You're just judging him by his looks."
Reba: "It's not my fault you're the one who let me see him"
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Van: "God has a great sense of humour. Look at ostriches."
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Reba: "What's something that your mama always told you?" [making a point from her discussion..bj doesnt get it]
Barbra Jean: "Dont shave above the knee unless you're expecting company??..."
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brock: "we cant make her stay.."
barbra jean: "Oh i will tie her down to the banister!"
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Brock: "Reba..just try to think like Van.."
Reba: "Oww!..that hurts!"
Brock: "Come on...just let your mind go completely blank.."
Reba: [pauses] "Hi...i'm barbra jean!"
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Barbra Jean: "I can go wherever i want..and you're not the boss of me!"
Reba: "I know...if i was your boss..we'd be sleeping together by now..."
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Kyra: "Remember when Barbara Jean showed up for Halloween in that outfit and scared everybody?"
Reba: "Honey, that wasn't Halloween- that was yesterday!"
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BJ: "New Rule: No saying dumb at the dinner table"
Kyra: "New Rule: No BEING dumb at the dinner table"
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Kyra: "I'm just here with a couple friends, okay."
Brock:" Friends..or boys?!"
Kyra: "what's the difference???"
Barbra Jean: Oh! you dont know??... we got nothing to worry about...."

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Van: "Oh Kyra...sweet, sweet, vulnerable Kyra. Clean dishes won't keep daddy home."
Kyra: "What is wrong with you?..Specific to this moment?!"
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Van: ...And what are you doing here?
Kyra: Well, I heard that besides knocking up my sister, you were actually good at something and I had to see it for myself.
Van: Well, now that you have, why don't you go down to the Malt shop and hang out with Potsie and Ralph?
(Kyra rolls her eyes and walks towards the switch that opens the garage door)
Kyra: Hey, what's this?
Van: No, don't touch that! Get away from there! (runs over and pulls Kyra away from the switch)
Kyra: Why not?
Van: Because if you do, I will follow you to college, stand outside your dorm and tell everyone I see, I'm your boyfriend and I'll say it like this: (throws his arm around Kyra and starts talking in a loud fake southern accent) "Hey! Kyra's my girlfriend and I love her!"

oh dang...and these:

Brock [to Cheyenne] : Oh honey, i wanted to get you a pony......but your mother wouldnt let me!
Reba: Yehhhhhhhhhsssss.....but instead of giving you a pony, we gave you care, love, and affection.
Van: Yeah, but you cant ride love at the state fair!!!
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Barbra Jean: i sure could go for a celebratory wine cooler right about now...shhhhh....dont tell anyone...
Reba: ...ohh dont worry...people just assume you drink.
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Reba: When a marriage grows but the people dont...thats when you sprout a barbra jean!
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Brock: Say, listen, what do ya think jakes favorite grilled cheese ingredient is???
Reba: Well i dont know Brock; there's the bread and there's the cheese...its pretty much dead heat.
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Barbra Jean: Can i give you a hug?!!!
Reba: Not if i was chokin' on a piece of sausage...!
**barbra jean is hiding behind the curtains by the stairs and jumps out and scares reba) barbra jean: SURRRRPRISEE!!!
reba: AHH! barbra jean what the heck are you doing?
barbra jean: i'm lonely.
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(when van accidently goes into the wrong bedroom and tried to sleep with reba,)
van: i am soo so sorry mrs. h!!
reba: it's okay van, the important thing is that you didn't drive drunk, that shows good judgement.
kyra: funny, the first time he shows good judgement, he's drunk!
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barbra jean: you probably sit at home and think about how superior you are to me and toast champagne that you bought with barbra jean's rent check!
reba: first of all, if i'm home alone thinking about you.... I'M DRINKING HARD LIQUOR!
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[having a camp-out]
Reba: I bet this would be more fun if I were seven
Jake: ... and not my mom.
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reba: henry did somthing bad, he should be punished!
barbra jean: punished? no i like my way, you're way just encourages violence.
reba: VIOLENCE? he just beat my lamp to death with this bat!
barbra jean: and if he ever does it again, he'll get the proper-sticker-penalty!
reba:...get out of my house!
barbra jean: what?
reba: ..get out and take Chuckie with you!
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[playing poker]
van: you're like the luckiest person ever homeless joe!
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Cheyenne: Every week when we watch that show with Kiefer Sutherland you're like man jack Bauer is so cool, i wanna be Jack Bauer so bad, You are so not Jack Bauer!
Van:Jack Bauer only has to worry about terrorist if he were up against your mother he would have to pee too!
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Reba: "So you lied about kyra having a boy upstairs?"
Jake: "Yes! Nobody mocks me and gets away with it!"
Reba: "So Kyra never had that boy upstairs?"
Jake:" No! And I didn't know he was a boy. I thought he was an ugly girl."
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Kyra: "So what are you going to wear to go out with Barbra Jean?"
Reba: "A disguise"
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Reba: Well, since all the towels were wet, I couldnt take a shower this morning.
Van: What an interesting story. If only it had a dramatic ending like .. next thing I know I was floating down Mainstreet in a laundry basket.
Reba: (Quiet for a moment.) Shut up Van.
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Brock- "I think you should know Reba, you are making a big mistake"
Reba- "Says the man who married Barbra Jean"
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Van: "Kyra, you're a girl, you know about girl..stuff"
Kyra: [sarcastically] "Van, Are you getting your period?"
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Van: "I will buy you a ring Cheyenne"
Kyra: "You can't even buy her a taco."
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[metal clanging in the kitchen, Van jumps down the stairs with a toy light-saber in hand, Cheyenne following]
Cheyenne: Do you really think you're going to scare someone off with a light saber?!
Van: I will if I use the force (turns on light saber and waves it around)
Cheyenne: Van, wait a minute. When I went to bed last night, didn't you have hair?
Van: (turns off light saber) Yeah, I know. Well you know how I like to go to bed with gum in my mouth...? Well, I'm not doing that anymore!
[sound in kitchen again]
Van: Intruder?!
[van turns on light sabe and both run into the kitchen. They find Reba standing behind the counter in her pajamas, cleaning oven racks]
[van turns off light saber]
Cheyenne: It's Mom. Cleaning the oven at 2 in the morning
Van: Hey, maybe she's sleep cleaning
Reba: I'm not asleep. I've gotta figure a way out of this IRS debt, and I do my best thinking when I'm drinking.. I mean cleaning.
Van: Well.. is there anything that makes you wanna cook? Cause I think the best when I'm eating.
Reba: We've got financial problems here! We're making cutbacks, you ate yesterday so, technically, this is your day off. I'm also thinking about selling the car.
Cheyenne: You're not gonna get much for your car.
Reba: Not my car, Van's car.
Van: Nahh! You will not sell Rhonda, I will see you go to prison before I let that happen!
[barbra jean enters the kitchen and scares everyone, Van picks up the light saber and goes at her with it.. Reba, Van and BJ scream]
Reba: Barbra Jean, how did you get in here?
BJ: I climbed in your bedroom window. I'm not knocking on your door at 2 in the morning Reba, that would be rude.


HAHAHAHAHA...i think thats it or now!!

LOL LMAO YESTERDAY WAS COLDER THAN A WELL DIGGER'S BUTT. LMAO